Bereavement & Funeral Ministry
Walking with Families Through Grief, Loss, and Christian Hope
The Bereavement & Funeral Ministry at Saint Paul’s Anglican Church provides pastoral support to individuals and families experiencing the death of a loved one. In the face of sorrow, we walk together in the hope of the resurrection, offering the comfort of Christ, the prayers of the Church, and the reverence of Christian burial.
We believe that death is not the end for those who are in Christ. The Church’s ministry in times of loss includes preparing the funeral liturgy, supporting the grieving, and caring for the family through presence, prayer, and practical help.
Our Ministry Includes:
- Planning & Hosting Funerals – Coordinating with the Rector for services at church, graveside, or other locations
- Pastoral Support – Listening, praying, and checking in with grieving families
- Liturgical Preparation – Helping choose Scripture readings, hymns, and service elements
- Reception Assistance – Organizing post-service hospitality if desired
- Ongoing Encouragement – Cards, calls, or visits in the weeks and months following a loss
“Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.”
— Matthew 5:4 (KJV)
Christian Burial at Saint Paul’s
We follow the Burial Office of the Book of Common Prayer, rooted in the Anglican tradition and full of Scriptural hope. Services may include Holy Communion, traditional hymns, Psalms, and a homily proclaiming the resurrection of Jesus Christ.
We aim to honor both the memory of the departed and the faith of the Church, which proclaims: “Christ has died, Christ is risen, Christ will come again.”
Who Can Help?
Members with gifts of hospitality, administration, prayer, and compassion are encouraged to assist in this ministry. Volunteers may help set up the church, coordinate meals or receptions, or assist the clergy with logistics and follow-up.
In Time of Need
If you are grieving or preparing for a funeral, please don’t walk through it alone. Contact the Rector as soon as possible for pastoral support and to begin planning a service that honors your loved one and gives glory to God.
We are here to walk with you in grief—and to proclaim together the hope of eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.
Local Funeral Homes in Los Altos and Mountain View
If you’re planning for a burial in the Los Altos or Mountain View area, here are several trusted local Cemeteries to consider.
Spangler Mortuary – Los Altos Chapel
📍 399 S San Antonio Rd, Los Altos, CA 94022
A family-owned funeral home offering full-service arrangements, cremation, live streaming, and personalized memorials.
🔗 Visit website
Gate of Heaven Cemetery
📍 22555 Cristo Rey Dr, Los Altos, CA 94024
A serene, Catholic-focused burial ground offering traditional in-ground burial plots, mausoleum crypts, cremation niches, and family estate options. Faith-based services and veteran sections are available, with peaceful grounds and chapel facilities.
🔗 Gate of Heaven Cemetery website
Funeral Etiquette in the English Tradition
Reflecting the customs of the Church of England and the reverence shown in state funerals
In the English tradition, funerals are occasions marked not only by mourning but by solemn dignity, gratitude for the departed, and reverence before God. Drawing from centuries of Church of England liturgical practice—whether in a village parish church or the grandeur of Westminster Abbey—the funeral offers a way to both grieve and give thanks. While few of us will have funerals with the ceremonial weight of a monarch’s, the principles of dignity, propriety, and compassion remain the same for all.
Should I Attend the Funeral?
In Anglican custom, funerals are generally open to all who wish to pay their respects, unless the family has expressly asked for a private ceremony. If you knew the deceased, even in passing, your presence is a quiet act of honour and remembrance. If you did not know the departed but are close to the bereaved, your attendance is a sign of solidarity and care.
One should not attend if one’s presence would cause distress or if the service is announced as private. Unlike weddings or baptisms, funeral attendance is not about invitation but about duty, memory, and prayer.
What Should I Say?
Words are best kept simple, reverent, and sincere. Expressions such as “You are in my prayers” or “I am so sorry for your loss” are wholly appropriate. In England, as in the Prayer Book, understatement and restraint are valued. This is not the time to offer advice or your own story.
Sharing a warm memory can be comforting—especially when spoken with humility and grace. Using the name of the deceased (e.g., “Frank was a great comfort to me”) honours their personhood. Avoid clichés or platitudes such as “they’re in a better place”; instead, listen attentively and allow silence to do its work. As in the services for a sovereign, presence often speaks louder than speech.
What Should I Wear?
Traditional mourning attire remains largely unchanged: black or dark clothing is preferred. Men typically wear a black or dark suit with a white shirt and subdued tie. Women may wear a black or navy dress or coat, with minimal adornment. Hats or veils may be worn in more formal or traditional circles, though not expected.
Much like at the funeral of Her Late Majesty Queen Elizabeth II, attire communicates reverence for the occasion. Avoid bright colours, patterns, or casual clothing. Even for outdoor or “celebration of life” gatherings, English decorum leans toward formal rather than casual.
Where Should I Sit?
Seating customs are similar to most Anglican services. For Funeral services, the front pews are reserved for immediate family. Friends and acquaintances sit behind. If you arrive late, it is respectful to quietly take a seat toward the rear, entering from the side aisle. As with royal funerals, stillness and solemnity are appreciated throughout the service. No photos and cell phone use.
When Should I Arrive?
Aim to arrive 15–20 minutes early. This allows you to quietly enter, sign a condolence book if present, and greet others discreetly. Timeliness is a sign of respect and helps maintain the ordered flow of the liturgy.
Should Children Attend?
Children may attend, particularly if they had a relationship with the deceased. Their presence can be a source of comfort and continuity. That said, infants or very young children who may struggle to remain quiet during the service are often cared for elsewhere so that the atmosphere of reflection is maintained. At royal funerals, even young members of the family are carefully guided through their role and participation with great formality.
May I Send Something to the Family?
It is customary to send a handwritten sympathy card, a bouquet of lilies or white flowers, or a simple gesture such as a prepared meal or baked good. In the English tradition, understated kindness is best. Some may choose to make a donation in memory of the deceased, especially if a charity has been named in the obituary. You might also offer to help with practical matters—hospitality, errands, or transport—especially for elderly mourners. In unexpected deaths, many families will have a “meal train” or similar system to support them family in a time of difficulty or crisis.
What Is the Order of the Service?
In a traditional Anglican funeral, the order typically follows the Order for the Burial of the Dead as set forth in the Book of Common Prayer:
- Procession: The officiant, choir, and sometimes vergers lead the coffin into the church. This mirrors the dignity of a royal funeral, where the coffin is borne in silent procession and draped with a flag or pall.
- Opening Sentences and Prayers
- Readings from Scripture
- Homily or Eulogy
- Prayers for the Departed and the Family
- Commendation and Farewell
- Recessional to the Graveside
What Is the Difference Between the Procession and Recession?
The procession begins the service. The coffin is carried into the church ahead of the family and clergy, led by the cross and accompanied often by organ or choral music. The recession is the solemn departure, where the casket is taken from the sanctuary to its final resting place. In a royal funeral, this would include military honours and ceremonial bells; in a parish service, it may include hymn-singing as the mourners follow the casket out.
At the graveside, the officiant will read the committal (“earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust”), followed by a final blessing. Guests may remain for a moment of silence or the placing of earth or flowers upon the casket.